I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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