I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize