I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
