Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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