i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
