May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
