eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I believe in your delicious
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
