omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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