You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
it glows. i had to have it.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
