Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
