nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
