Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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