our cab driver is having phone sex.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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