I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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