so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
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