my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Randomize