You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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