All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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