I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
