oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
