Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
