That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
where does the pee come out of this thing
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
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