there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Randomize
