Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
