Just mADE A PArabola og urine
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
