im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
