I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
