kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
