You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
And my parents said I crawled through the house
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
