Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
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Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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