I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
This is my gift to your gina
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
