I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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