hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize