I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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