Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
