Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions