bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...