Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...