Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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