Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs