he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You Wouldn’t Guess That These 25 Celebrities Are Complete A**holes
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.