How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies