yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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