Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
