I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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