I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
