so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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