i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
accomplished twins. life is a go
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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