you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
