sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
