Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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