All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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