dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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