I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm like, not good at living.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
