Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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