I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
