and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She even gives head with a lisp.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
