First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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