I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
