I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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