this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
