i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
