I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
