How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
