Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
