that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
