i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
