I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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