im gay
i know
yea but for you.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
