if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
you're hired as official boob wrangler
my nose is crying tears of wow.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
